Not just because it involves private rooms and special papers and silent prayers. Sometimes there are personal feuds and hate campaigns waged against the weaker side. Sieges—some go on for days, even weeks. Sometimes there is justification, other times, there is frustration, or exhaustion, or both. I have a strict policy against revealing private family matters, but in this case I must break my silence and reveal the abuse that I suffer from my toddler. Maybe by reaching out and sharing my personal pain, someone else will be able to break the cycle.
I have to preface my story by letting you know that this child is absolutely stunningly beautiful. When she smiles, her eyes cast out rays of pure sunlight. Imagine the swelling waves of love and heartache I feel when she is unhappy with me. Now imagine my dark horror when she takes vengeance on me in the most bizarre (and, dare I say—calculated?) ways. Too young, is she? Overreacting, am I? You will soon agree with me.
A perfect example happened just yesterday. To bring you up to speed, she has been daytime trained for approximately one month, and she does exceedingly well, even in public places. I have been nighttime training her for roughly a week, and even though that is coming along well, we have a way to go. At any rate, she is perfectly capable of using the bathroom when she is fully awake. With a bathroom right outside her bedroom door and another right next to her favorite room downstairs (you could even say that it is in the room, because of the open floor plan), this little girl should never have to travel more than ten of her tiny steps to go to the potty. And if she is sitting at the bottom of the stairs, it is more like three of her tiny steps. But every now and then…
Yesterday, she got upset with me about something. I think she wanted me to carry something upstairs for her and my hands were full or some end-of-the-world type catastrophe like that. When she refused to go upstairs, I told her I would be waiting for her when she changes her mind, and I proceeded to go upstairs to make a couple of beds. But when I took the first mattress pad out of the basket, I heard a strange noise. It sounded like grubby little fingers squeaking across my glass table top. When I went downstairs to make sure my beautiful daughter was behaving herself, she was sitting on one of my dining room chairs.
Stop right there! You need to know something about me.
I do not allow my children to sit at the dining room table unless we have company and we are eating a meal together. And this was not just one of the children—it was the toddler! Sitting on my custom-upholstered chair (not customized for me, but I’m sure the person I bought them from paid their designer a ton of money for the custom fabric—and they kept it in pristine condition—and so have I), rubbing her sticky fingers all over my beveled glass table top. The toddler! So I very calmly…
quite gently…
snatched her up…
to find that she had…
wait for it…
urinated on my chair.
Believe me when I tell you that I do not believe in punishing toddlers for having accidents when they are learning to use the potty. I am diametrically opposed to it. It is counter-productive, confusing, and undermines their trust and security. But yesterday, my daughter got a refresher course in the “no children at the dining table” rule. So now you know some of the personal torment attached to my potty training experience. If there is a lesson to learn from this, I would say it is simply this:
It is not wrong to let kids work through their own anger issues, alone.
But do not ever, under any circumstances, leave your child alone if she or he is angry with you.
Special Announcement! Changes Coming soon!
The past few weeks have been some of the most exciting of my life. Blogging has opened up a whole new realm of interests to me that I never knew existed until now (which is absolutely no indication of my age, I assure you). The most intriguing discovery I have made has been finding out how many people are interested in the same quirky topics as I am. (Living on a flat planet really sheds new light on Square Peg Syndrome. As it turns out, there are no round pegs after all.) This is quickly growing from a pet project into a full-sized pet, with daily needs that must be addressed on demand. Blogging once or twice a week is no longer going to be enough. I am already in the habit of waking up early enough to write. The layout and design are easy enough to modify. Now I just have to do the actual writing rather than trying to make the appearance and flow perfect (or just sitting there with my cup of coffee trying not to wake anyone else in the house).
I have a strong fear of commitment—but since I’m married and have children, I’m not exactly sure what things I am really afraid to commit to. Without hard evidence that I will not be able to keep up with my daily (Monday-Friday) blogging activities, I am going to forge ahead and make the commitment. I cannot give myself a deadline for when this will officially begin; that would be too much like having a job. But it is my sincere intention to add my ideas to mankind’s combined knowledge every weekday that this blog exists. Now is the time to follow and subscribe to the feed, to ensure that you don’t miss out on a single episode! I appreciate any suggestions or content requests, so please feel free to leave a comment any time.
Setting a daily writing goal is major for me, but now I am going to stretch the limits of my new responsibilities. I have decided to introduce a new weekly blog. The title is In the Lab with a Girl Named James. Every week I will modify my life in one significant way, and I will publish my observations on the following Monday morning. Since Monday is historically uncomfortable for most people returning to work and routines after the refreshment of the weekend, it must be the perfect day to share the joys of living outside of my comfort zone. My school-age lab assistant will be providing his own marginal remarks when inspired to do so, in a section entitled Mr. Blurbie Says. If you have a web site or a product that promotes healthy living or improves the quality of life, and you would like for me to test it for review on In the Lab with a Girl Named James, please email me. Roll-out date for the new blog is Monday, February 14, 2011. Be sure to check back here Monday morning for the official announcement and link.
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